Secret Wounds with Silent Cries

One of the earliest “Thomsenisms” I penned was this, “Secret wounds with silent cries

can light the fuse for your demise.” This little quote has saved me from many negative second

and third order of effects on many occasions. I always refer to it before addressing tensions,

turmoil or troublesome issues because it helps me remember to be careful how I respond to, and

address problems.

Every leader will face the requirement to call out problems, areas of concern, or

questionable commitment or competence, but wise leaders know that almost every person hides

secret wounds with silent cries. The challenge for every leader is to consider people’s internal

matters of the heart while calling out and engaging external problematic realities. The best way

to do this is by learning to “HEAR.” Those who’ve learned to hear know how to:

Home in on the primary problem. 

Engage the problem first, then people if necessary.

Acknowledge causal tributaries (policies, procedures, or people).

Revise, remove, or redirect causalities.

Remember this, primarily, it is every leader’s responsibility to hear and know how to

manage problems as they arise, and you can be sure they will arise. Leadership is not a cowering

endeavor, so stand tall and be strong, courageous, and wise. Second, every leader must

understand and be wise enough to practice what I term the “commend and critique technique” in

order to allay a person’s secret wounds with silent cries, which are likened to geysers just waiting

to erupt. Authentic leaders understand that the explosion of emotion always benches the promise

of potential, so they are careful how they contend with problems to keep emotions at bay. Like

the Mary Poppins song says, “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down;” commending a

person first is that “sugar” that helps a person acknowledge and swallow the bitter but true

critiquing from a caring leader.

I’ve watched many a leader flame out due to the lack of consideration of people’s secret

wounds with silent cries, can you HEAR them?