Years ago, I was sitting inside this well-known restaurant where you pick your choice meat, season it, and cook it on a 24-foot rectangle grill, wood fired no less. I liked this place because you got to cook your food just the way you like, and didn’t have to worry about anyone else messing up the main course. On this specific occasion, there was a large group of people sitting where I could see the “Birthday Girl” celebrating as she opened the many gifts brought to her.
When she opened the gifts, her face and body language were quite telling. As I watched, I realized that the gifts she received fell into one of three categories. When she quizzically looked at a gift, that was a “what’s this” gift, and when she looked stoic or somewhat dispirited with a sigh, it was a “why did you bother gift,” but when her eyes glowed as she sat back with a short gasp of breath, now that was definitely a “how’d you know gift.” She tried to play all the gifts off as great gifts by saying, “thank you all, for such wonderful gifts,” but it was quite obvious if one paid attention which gifts really meant something to her.
So, the “what’s this” and the “why’d you bother” gifts are those that illicit the internal and sometimes external response, “it’s the thought that counts.” These types of gifts are primarily given from a thoughtless self-serving perspective, a sort of “check the block” kind of gift giving. These types of gifts really don’t have the heart of the person receiving them in mind which we all know too well, because we’ve all received these kinds of gifts at one point or another. Some of us may have even thrown them away or regifted them, but I digress. Interestingly, these kinds of gifts have no positive impact on the relational building arena.
However, the “how’d you know gift,” these are what I term “intentional gifts” that are the building blocks to any relational or trust building endeavor with an individual, a team or an organization. It is a gift that has thought put into how the person receiving the gift will appreciate it. It says to the receiving person, someone sincerely values you more than you may think, someone appreciates you deeply, someone is listening to you, someone is understanding you, and someone enjoys you.
Valuing, Appreciating, Listening, Understanding, and Enjoying are all practical leadership gifts that are very much the interlocking pieces that fit into the relational and trust building puzzle, keeping connections strong from the top to the bottom, center to the borders. It is tough to hear, but the value we hold for people is demonstrated in the gifts we give to them. So, if you are going be gift giving this season, be sure to give the gifts that count, those “how’d you know” kind of gifts, because this type of gift really is the kind that keeps on giving.
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