Forgiveness Forever!

If you are not aware, the higher you advance up the leadership chain, people talk more about you rather than to you. This happens with echeloning which is a discussion for another time. But the effects of echeloning are a reality which was quite evident one day as I returned from lunch to the office where several younger leaders, finishing their lunches, had been discussing the various leadership practices of senior leaders in the building, I happened to be one of them. As I was passing through, I greeted them with my usual smile and an encouraging word about peer-to-peer sharpening when one of the younger people asked me, “Sir, in your opinion, what is the most important and powerful word in one’s leadership vocabulary?”

After the gasps of air ceased because a younger leader asked an older leader higher up the echelon chain a question without first having it cleared through all the other echelons, I thought it wise to stop and take the question for the benefit of all the younger leaders sitting around. I paused thinking through my personal leadership terms and one word stood out like a neon sign on the darkest of nights, FORGIVENESS!

I shared the term with the inquisitive questioner, who looked at me with a puzzled look, and asked, “Why, Sir, I would’ve never considered that term.” I let him know he wasn’t alone and that many leaders weren’t concerned with forgiving, that’s why we have sayings like, “It takes ten atta-boys or atta-girls to overcome one ah-shoot.” Forgiveness is to relationships what oxygen is to the body and leadership requires healthy relationships. To forgive is to free oneself to live. To live beyond the past, the pain, the personal self-pity, and the problematic pitfalls that come with unforgiveness.

Authentic leaders understand that unforgiveness is detrimental healthy relationships by shackling the one hurt and guilting the one that did the hurting. It breaks relational connections by hindering the flow of trust, halting communication, hurting relational potential, and worse yet hampering success. This is evident when people hold grudges against others or themselves. Great leaders will not hold grudges. Holding grudges, a symptom of unforgiveness, is like carrying stones in your pocket to throw at those deserving of stoning. Great leaders will not allow themselves to throw stones because they understand the criticality of strong relational bonds in the organization and will do whatever necessary, even forgive, to keep those relational bonds healthy.

To forgive is not to dismiss accountability and consequences a person garners when a wrong happens, else it would invalidate policies, processes, and procedures for out-of-line behaviors which would definitely upset the workplace environment. To FORGIVE, is to make a conscious choice not to get stuck on the wrongs done but to carve a path past them, and to free people to function unconstrained, open lines of communication, restore relational potential, gnaw at unhealthy grudges, inspire connection and reconnection, value team or organizational success, eradicate thoughts of vengeance. So, what’s your choice?