A change of season

As I was walking down the hallway on my way to talk with one of the senior leaders in an organization, I heard a song playing softly that had a catchy line in it saying, “hurt people, hurt people.” I thought, “how true – but limited at best.” Yes, it is true that hurt people do hurt people, but more often than not a hurt person will hide from people, even leaders!

Hurt people most always hide because they do not want to be hurt again. They hide primarily by building walls to protect their mind, heart, and emotions, but this is one luxury not afforded to parents or leaders. Let a parent hide from a child who has hurt them in some way, and the authorities would arrest them for child neglect. Let a leader hide, and they will leave their people OTF (Out There Flapping) flying in every direction possible and getting nowhere. This is not the way of an authentic leader. Playing hide and seek as a leader is a slow and most painful way to leadership failure. I call this the “Bad Fall.” 

A leader who hides is holding on to hurts until those hurts consume them. They isolate themselves from likely future hurts, and by doing so, isolate themselves from most everything – to include engaging with and leading people. They try to direct from the shadows, which calls into question their ability to lead competently, confidently, and with candor. Leaders who hide surrender their ability to engage in depth with others, and will soon acquire the title, “disconnected” or “out of touch” caused by a slicing hurt that was not allowed to heal and has been calloused over or covered up.

A genuine leader, should they suffer hurt, will certainly acknowledge the hurt, but will not retaliate hurtfully or run and hide. Like nature, these leaders choose to change their internal season from that of pain to a season of purpose. They accomplish this by absorbing the hurt, learning what they can from the experience, and then casting the hurt away so that it does not become a distraction, or cause their leadership performance and practice to fall.

I am wondering how you are doing with the practice of changing your internal seasons?